Through the Hurt and Pain

I am hidden in my guilt,
Unable to resurface.

I have punctured him with my mistakes,
And it overwhelmed him with sadness!

Carving a scar into his heart
That brings me joy.

I take out my strength on him,
And he lets me win!

While I cause him pain,
I am the snowflake in his While Christmas!!!

While he is suffering,
I am honored by my accomplishments.

Then I sharpen my knife,
And stab him again?